Well it's been about a week...and computer problems still plague my life. Unfortunately that is not the most urgent or serious problem in my life right now. So what does this have to do with losing weight? Well it means that my most difficult enemy to conquer is attacking at full force right now, STRESS! I know I've shared before that stress has a lovely way of helping me GAIN weight instead of losing it. So yes, I'm pretty sure that when I get home and weigh in I will find I've gained another couple of pounds.
Ok so I can't completely blame the stress. I mean, it is true that the stress is what causes me to make bad food choices, but that's just it. I still have the choice! I have not gone way over board and binged on chocolate, although I would really like to! But I know I have eaten more than I should, and I haven't been drinking enough water. When I get really stressed, or worried I have a tendency to feel hungry all the time. I know my body isn't really hungry all the time, but that's what my brain thinks. Sometimes I can fight it off...but sometimes those thoughts of "who cares today. I just can't handle counting points or watching calories today" win out.
That is what has happened the last couple of days. I feel bad about it, and often I feel like I want to go throw up after eating that extra chicken strip or that brownie. I win that battle though because I know in the long run throwing up will only make matters worse. But on days like these even knowing that I'm going to feel stuffed or bloated doesn't stop me. I need to find a better way to handle those thoughts. Sometimes, maybe 70% of the time, I fight those thoughts away by consciously remembering how hard it has been to lose the weight in the first place. So for the other 30% of the time when that doesn't work I need to find a different strategy. I wish I had the answers to share with all of you. Sometimes just thinking about "letting my blog readers down" will help squash those hunger pains.
It's really hard when I've feeling stressed and there are no good options around me. Like last night. Yesterday turned out to be a really rough day and we weren't able to have dinner at our normal time. 2 hours after our normal dinner time I was still not back at the house and my kids were starving. I totally gave in to the fast food drive thru window. I was strong enough to order a salad instead of a large cheeseburger, mainly because I've found that those fast food cheeseburgers don't kill the hunger pains for long. I always need more! A homemade cheeseburger is much more filling. Anyhow, I ordered a salad but then I looked across the parking lot and saw that there was a Subway and I've been craving Subway for a few weeks now but haven't had the opportunity to get one. So after buying the salad I went and got a sandwich to. I told myself that one would be for lunch today. But neither option was something I could eat easily while driving. So after getting home and getting the sick child squared away and getting the other two kids to bed I found that it was several hours later and I still hadn't eaten! By then I was really hungry and those stress voices were pounding away in my head. I chose to save the sandwich for today so I started eating the salad. I had never had this salad before and it turns out that I don't like it. So I only ate maybe 1/2...then I was still hungry so out came the sandwich! Bad decision! I ate more than I should have...
I try to have good options, but last night's adventure to the doctor was totally unplanned and therefore I was completely unprepared. But it was just the most recent stressful event that has knocked me off track this week. I am determined to get back in control though!