Monday, April 8, 2013

Being Absent

So I have been absent from writing for several weeks now. Why? Well because I just have felt like I don't have much to say. I'm disconnected from a lot of things right now, one of which is my exercise. I am not feeling very motivated in my own life and it is so hard to reach out and say something encouraging. I read other blogs and think "I need to stay positive in my blog, don't bore people with my stumbling blocks" But then I think "Everyone has stumbling blocks, maybe I should write more about mine. Maybe that would not only help me get past them but then others wouldn't feel like they are alone when they hit those stumbling blocks too". So there is this weird balancing act that I feel like I have to do. It's absolutely ridiculous because I know that one of the things that helps me the most is to read/hear from people who are also struggling for one reason or another. That helps me to not feel alone and to realize that what I'm going through is normal and that I can and will get past it too. Then I feel guilty for feeling unmotivated because I have come so far, and I don't want to slip backwards.

I know I would feel better if I would just get back on my schedule and get exercising regularly again. There is no real excuse for not doing it either. I am back to being tired a lot and grouchy too. Even my husband recognizes that I will be happier if I can just get myself to workout regularly again! That's pretty sad to me when my husband is now prompting me to do it. I mean, he's always been supportive, but I haven't really needed him to say "we are going to bed early tonight so you can get up and exercise in the morning". Or "I expect to see you exercising while I'm getting ready for work tomorrow". That is apparently what I need right now though.

This lack of motivation is carrying over into all areas of my life right now. I just feel run down and tired, and I know that if I can fix this one thing then everything else will start to fall back into place again. So for now I guess I need that extra push from Larry, and maybe a few more people. I feel like I am so far removed from everything that I need to find a way to get more involved in the moment. There are so many things going on that are out of my control. But there are things I can control and I'm not. It's time to make another change. Until I get myself going I will accept the help and motivation offered by my husband and my friends, because that is why we are not on this earth alone. We all need each other to help, lift and support us at different times. Right now I guess it's my turn to receive some lifting. And I will continue to help lift others in any way I can.

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